I had the unique opportunity to help someone who was in trouble today. But it was a sticky situation. This person used to be a very close friend, and over the past year, had quit speaking to me, believing I had intentionally wronged them. My experience of the events was of course, quite different.
Personality Filters Shape Our Perceptions
This is not unique. We all use our personality filters to experience things, and arguments are often the result of two individuals experiencing very different perceptions of the same conversation or situation. Unfortunately, our rift had been severe. None of my attempts at reconciliation were accepted, and I had simply quit giving the relationship, or lack of relationship, my focus or attention.
When I found out this person was in need, and I understood that my actions could easily relieve their anxiety and struggle, I hesitated. I consciously felt my ego step into the driver’s seat, and subsequently construct a million seemingly plausible reasons why I shouldn’t help this person. Reconnecting with them could open old wounds, and my pride didn’t want to take the emotional risk.
My initial reaction disappointed me a bit, as I like to think of myself as a compassionate person. I realized of course, it was my ego, and not my Authentic Self, that was offering resistance. I had to remind myself that I am a student, learning as I go. And I also reminded myself that I could take the conscious inspired action to make a positive difference in the life of someone else. Had this person been a stranger, I knew I would not have hesitated for a second.
Don’t Let Your Ego Call the Shots
My next thought process was just as flawed. I began envisioning how wonderful it would be for me to help this person, what I would gain from it. Suddenly what should have been a charitable act turned into a selfish act, something I would do to feel better about myself. Talk about ego!
Luckily for me, I had the opportunity to “sleep on it.” I woke up this morning, realizing I knew what I needed to do. This person was facing a challenge, and I had the ability to offer a solution. Really, there was nothing to think about it.
I took the emotional risk, felt vulnerable, and even a little anxious. At the same time, I knew, really felt, there was no other choice.
As Martin Luther King once said,
“The time is always right to do the right thing.”
I moved out of my ego, and decided that the outcome didn’t matter. I realized that it wasn’t important how the other person perceived my actions. The bottom line was that I had the ability to end the suffering of another human being. So I took the risk, and did the right thing.
Will we be friends again? I don’t know. And for now, it only matters to me that when the opportunity presented itself, I moved past my ego and recognized the opportunity to create good will.
Tags: anger · helping others · intentions · letting go of ego · Personal Development · relationships5 Comments
5 responses so far ↓
Thank you for the ‘reminder’ Robert.
As a new student in your Rich Mind Life Strategy, I have been presented with similar opportunities in the past, and I, too, met with the same resistance from my ego mind.
My intention is to perform more skillfully next time when such opportuntiies (as they will be!) are presented..
I am looking forward to the encounters.
kind regards,
Trevor
The report on Disease of self improvement was excellent. However after tryin many self help programs, I’m at a point now, where I feel just reading is not enough I feel this society needs some sort of brain help where we listen to some information which changes our brain state so we can understand automatically. I have spent quite a bit on self-help programs and my brain is still searching for more, if you can help let me know.
Thank You for the information.
Best regards,
Sonia
If you still had an attraction or a great use for him in terms of contrbuting to your happiness, chances are that he also has some reciprocal feelings. So there will be a response from him if he also can overcome his ego.
But otherwise I dont think that ego is all that bad, because it frees us sometimes from acting” needy”. this reduces our self esttem and the value of the thing that we need.
Ganesh
Thank you for re-enforcing what I already knew. I too was faced with the same delimna. I struggled with my ego for a few minutes knowing that I had to do the right thing i.e. overriding my ego. Once I did what was right I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders and my spirit was free to soar again with the universe.
My struggle was rooted in what the other person would think of me if I helped them. Would they see me as a pushover and thought that I was weak. Knowing that they were wrong in the stance they took in severing all ties with me when I took a moral decision i.e. not to lie for them made it much harder.
Once I realised that it took strength to do the right thing, not weakness it made my decision much easier to help them, regardless of how they choose to be or think. More importantly I chose to be consistent in doing what was right.
Regards,
Rose
To help some body in any way when a person needs help One should always give proper guidance. When you are getting chance to help somebody,you are fortunate, you help but keeping in mind that you have not hert His or Her self respect.When you want to help always help at right Time, when the person is in difficulty. Our Friend Mr.Robert Anthony is Helping lots of people. God cannot leave him. The Source of All our Universal Life Force Energy is all the Time working through His good and positive intentions. God Bless Him and his Family.Actually he has a big Divine Family. Mr.Robert Anthony is a Person who Lives a correct example Of Universal Brotherhood doingnRight thing at right Time.